The Essence of Relationship

A large part of the mystic path and sacred commerce is exploring the dance between the divine feminine and the divine masculine. The divine feminine brings ease, grace and flow. The divine masculine stresses achievement and acquisition, going and doing.

When in balance, the energies of divine feminine and divine masculine combine to move into meaning, connection, love and incentives that go beyond the bottom line. We begin to tap into what is needed for people and the planet.

This dance of balance also plays out with individuals, partners, parents, siblings and friends. It is the essence of true relationship.

As a mystic mom, my task is to raise my teenage son with the realization, and appreciation of this dance. A few years ago, he was coming up on eighth grade graduation and entering high school. How would we have conversations that weren’t typical about sexuality, love, what it means to be a strong man and what it means to be a strong woman?  How do we honor those attributes and qualities within ourselves, with each other, in romantic relationships and partnerships?

I was embarking on a retreat in Hawaii with Joanne Ameya Cohen, exploring activating the divine feminine and flower essences. I brought the question about moving forward with my son to the retreat.

I was floored with gratitude when Joanne introduced the basic approach to creating a flower essence! Her method modeled a stunning example of how to approach the divine feminine.  The experience mirrored to me how I could provide a framework for my teenage son as he delved into coming manhood.

Attraction: The gist of making an essence is to first journey to the flower. Which flower are you attracted to? Allow yourself the journey of coming into contact with the one you were meant to find. I’ve seen people jump into relationship with the first person who comes along. When it’s all about the destination, you miss out on the gifts of the journey.

Presence:  Once you have the desire or intention to create an essence with a flower, the next step is to come into presence with the flower. Have a seat, introduce yourself, and ask the flower to introduce itself as well. What does it look like?  Does it have a fragrance? What soil conditions does it grow in? What are its unique attributes, qualities, and beauty? If we are talking about a human relationship, what does the other person look like?  What environment do they live in? What qualities about the person are you feeling attracted to? Are there underlying qualities you may have missed on first sight?

Inquiry: Once you establish presence, it’s time to ask, “May I make a flower essence?” This relationship isn’t assumed; there needs to be a mutual acknowledgement of the intention to proceed. There are potent energetics when we allow ourselves to enter into inquiry, with plants and with people. Approach relationship in a way that honors you and the other. Do you feel an awareness? Speak your intention and ask.

Listening: Sometimes the answer to our inquiry is clear; sometimes it is foggy.  Now is the time for deep listening, allowing the other to completely acknowledge and understand your intention.  Allow the pause, that time of reflection and honoring.  Sometimes an answer will come quickly, other times there is a waiting period.  Trust and allow the answer to come in its own way. 

Consent: If the flower says, “No,” you don’t make the essence.  You may part ways or retreat and wait for a new opportunity.   Only move forward when the answer is, “Yes.”  Mutual consent is mandatory for any relationship to come into its full beauty. 

Honoring: Once you receive your yes answer, you place the vessel of water at the base of the plant. You have put thought and intention into the vessel you use, the quality of the water and the quality of your intention.  You ask the plant if you can remove a leaf, then wrap the leaf around the flower and remove the flower into herself, releasing her from the stem to make the essence.  This image of approaching and wrapping her in a blanket of love is potent.

Partnership: The flower begins to release her essence into the water. The other you are coming into relationship with begins to open to you, releasing and sharing her precious gifts. 

By using the metaphor of the flower essence, we seek to raise our children to not only honor themselves as a flower, but to honor each other as they come into union with one another.  We are cultivating a new paradigm for relationships based on mutual appreciation, understanding and respect.

Whether we choose to share the metaphor of the flower essence, or choose to mentor our young ones by example, these seven steps can be a powerful guide to parents who want a new way to have the conversations about relationships, peacemaking and sexuality with their young ones.